


How Did Love Become So Violent?

by JoshDunGivesMeLife (orphan_account)



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Abuse, Flashbacks, HERE WE ARE AGAIN, I'm writing this for my own enjoyment so, Little bit of smut, M/M, Mean Josh, Rape/Non-con Elements, Small Tyler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-21
Updated: 2016-11-12
Packaged: 2018-08-23 19:05:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 5,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8339212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/JoshDunGivesMeLife
Summary: Tyler missed it when Josh was nice.When he was caring, sweet.His touches were gentle and soft.Voice always whispering beautiful things into his ear.They were perfect for each other, he'd say.Now Tyler cowers as he waits for another blow to land on his already bruised skin.He cowers as he's dragged up by his arm onto his knees.He doesn't want this.He never wanted this.





	1. You Were Comforting And Quiet

**Author's Note:**

> I'm pretty much just writing this for my own enjoyment because it's been in my head forever so here
> 
>  
> 
> It probably won't get many hits since it's not all lovey-dovey like my other fics lmao  
> Anyways

"P-Please, Josh I-I didn't mean to, I was just-"  
Tyler yelped and was on the floor once again, holding his cheek.  
He sniffled and looked up at Josh, tears streaming over his bruised face.  
"I-I'm sorry." He choked out, eyes wide and innocent. 

"'Sorry' doesn't cut it, sweetheart."  
Tyler cowered away from Josh's harsh words.  
"I d-didn't mean to, Josh, I-I promise.."  
"Pathetic."  
"You never fight back. Always trying to reason and plead. Pathetic." Josh repeated the word and Tyler looked down. 

_"I love you so much, Tyler."_  
It was Summer.  
_"I love you more." ___  
They were happy.  
_"I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Ty." ___  
_"Mmm. Maybe we can someday." ___  
They were calm.  
_Tyler leaned up, letting his lips press against Josh's and- ___

Tyler snapped up and realized Josh was gone.  
He remembered how soft his lips were.  
How gentle their kisses shared were.  
It's a shame Tyler took it for granted when he did. 

He remembered the first time Josh hit him.

___"J-Josh, what are you d-doing?"_  
_"Something I should've done a long time ago."_  
_Tyler was backed up against the wall, eyes wide with fear. ___  
_"Please Josh, y-you're scaring me." ___  
_"Good." ___  
_He brought his hand down and Tyler cried out in pain. ___  
He had a black eye for two weeks.  
Josh hadn't spoken to him.  
Not until he came back for more.

Tyler stood shakily, collecting himself.  
He had to tell himself that everything was okay, that it was going to be all right.  
Because no one else would.  
They had a show to do.  
And Tyler had to keep quiet.  
Just another bar fight, he'd say.  
He walked into the bathroom to assess the damage.  
Another bruise.  
Bleeding this time.  
A couple reopened cuts.  


Nothing some gauze and an ice pack wouldn't fix.  
Per usual.  
He stepped out of the bathroom and peeked around to the living room area of the tour bus, where Josh was sitting, casually talking to Mark.  
Tyler's stomach turned and he went instead to the bunk area.

Tyler's bunk was more of a cell to him, where he would hide from Josh.  
From everyone.  
He would curl up and whisper that it would get better, one day.  
One day.  
_"I can't believe I ever loved you." ___

Quiet tears slipped down his cheeks.  
Tyler wasn't allowed to cry in front of Josh.  
Not voluntarily, that is.  
He would get no comfort, just more hits.  
He heard the bunk room door open right as a sob escaped his lips and he clamped his hand over his mouth, shutting his eyes and waiting for Josh to pull him out and beat him further.  
"Tyler?"  
Mark.  
"Um, y-yeah?"  
"Are you all right?"  
Tyler cleared his throat, swallowing another sob.  
"I-I'm fine. Just a little stressed, that's a-all."  
"Okay..Josh has just been saying you're acting really different lately, almost violent."

Tyler almost screamed.  
HIM, violent?  
He wanted so bad to tell Mark where his bruises and cuts really came from, all the torment he was put through every day.  
But as he learned from past experience,  
Never, ever, talk.  
Ever.  
Number one rule.  
Talking would get you bloodied beyond belief.  
So Tyler instead shut his mouth and said nothing.  
As always.  
He prayed Josh wouldn't come back in.  
Prayed that Mark being here would hold him off.

"I'm going to go work on some new drumming for something Tyler's been working on."  
Tyler squeezed his eyes shut and choked back a sob.  
Please no.  
Please..  
The curtain of his bunk was ripped open and Tyler was pulled out onto the floor.  
"You didn't squeal, did you?" Josh spat.  
"N-No." Tyler wiped his eye and shifted uncomfortably on the floor, waiting for Josh's next move.

"Get in the recording room."  
"P-Please Josh, I don't want-"  
"Did I ask you what you wanted?"  
Tyler stood carefully, padding into the recording room, Josh on his heels.  
He turned around as Josh shut the door behind him, locking it.  
"I didn't talk, Josh I-I swear I-"  
"Shut up." Josh snapped.  
"You act so perfect during interviews, yet no one knows the REAL you. The one I know."  
"W-What d'you mean-?"  
"You know just fucking well what I mean."  
Tyler flinched.  
"How sneaky you were when we were together, always running off and getting fucked by someone else.."  
Tyler whimpered.

"I loved you, Josh. I-I...I still love you, only you.." Tyler mewled, looking down.  
"You love me, huh? Lies. I'm sick of your lies, Tyler."  
"I miss you, Josh. I-I miss it when you were n-nice, w-when y-you loved me..."  
Josh set his jaw and backhanded Tyler hard.  
Tyler held his cheek, wincing.  
"I'm s-sorry." He mumbled.

"Get on your fucking knees, you whore."  
Tyler began to tremble, shaking his head lightly, eyes wide.  
"N-No, please Josh, please I w-won't do it again, please-"  
"NOW."  
Tyler got onto his knees, crying softly.  
"You just love me so much, don't you?"  
Tyler had no choice but to nod.  
Josh grabbed his hair and pulled it back, exposing his neck.  
"Then you should be enjoying this, shouldn't you?"  
"I didn't m-mean it like t-that, I don't w-want it l-like this Josh.." Tyler sobbed.

Josh let go of Tyler's hair and began to unbuckle his belt.  
"I know how much you love this, darling."  
Tyler eyed the belt and swallowed hard.  
"But," Josh unbuttoned his jeans and Tyler whimpered. "I'm not going to use it tonight. Only if you really get on my fucking nerves."  
Josh's words were like poison, stinging and burning into Tyler.  
His boxers were off and Tyler wanted to throw himself from a twenty story building.

He was always forced to swallow.

"Suck, you little whore."  
Without making eye contact, Tyler opened his mouth gingerly and started sucking on the tip of Josh's cock, wanting to grimace at the taste of pre-cum.  
Josh's fingers tangled in Tyler's hair and his cock went farther down Tyler's throat, making him gag.

"Poor thing can't handle it, can he?" Josh smirked at Tyler, whose eyes were watering and lips beginning to turn puffy and red.  
Josh came without warning and Tyler wanted to throw up.  
He held the cum in his mouth, not sure wether he could get away with spitting it out or not.

"Swallow."  
Tyler hesitated.  
His hair was yanked again, and Josh's voice hissed in his ear,  
"I will get the fucking belt out."  
Tyler swallowed and shuddered, cum dripping off of his chin.  
Josh left him a mess on the floor, sobbing and shaking.  



	2. Take It Slow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler slid to the floor against the wall.  
> His fingertips touched his neck gingerly and he winced, tears starting to trace his cheeks.  
> Purple handprints began to make themselves known. 
> 
> Tyler grabbed the black paint, sighing.  
> Blurryface it is then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man

Tyler picked himself up off the floor, quietly making his way to the bathroom.  
He locked the door behind him.  
His stomach turned and he dropped to his knees in front of the toilet, gagging.  
Tyler felt miserable as heaves wracked his body, making him throw up everything in his stomach until it was just bile.  
He stood shakily, swallowing hard.  
He grimaced and wiped his chin.  
"It's okay, Tyler. Tomorrow's another day. It will be better. Another...Another day.." He mumbled, placing a band-aid over an especially deep gash under his eye.  
The punches were getting harder lately.  
"Everything will be okay."

Tyler decided to do the right thing and stay away from Josh, even though he hadn't eaten in three days..  
He remembered the rules.  
"No crying, be silent. No fighting, no arguing. You're a waste of space, Tyler. No one loves you, Tyler. You're a little bitch, Tyler. You'll t-take it nicely, T-Tyler."  
He was crying now, remembering too much.

_"P-Please Josh, I don't w-want this please-"_  
_SMACK._  
_Tyler whimpered and let out a sob._  
_Arms above his head, face pressed against the wall._  
_Vulnerable._  
_"J-Josh, stop, please s-stop I-a-aAH JOSH PLEASE-!"_

Tears pattered into the sink.  
"I d-didn't want it.." He murmured, sobbing quietly.  
Tyler wiped his face.  
Compose yourself.  
Stop crying like a baby.  
You're a grown man.

He'll hit you again if he sees you crying.  
Do you need another scar?  
If anyone gets suspicious you're dead.  
It's best to keep quiet.

"Quiet.."  
Tyler peered around the bathroom door, making sure no one was around before sprinting to the bunk room.  
He nearly ran into Josh, who was waiting.  
Tyler immediately cowered, backing away.  
Josh shut the door behind him, locking it.  
"What were you doing out there?" He hissed, making Tyler flinch.  
"I-I was in the bathroom.." He mumbled, looking down.  
"Fixing this?" Josh tipped his chin and pointed at the bandaged areas on Tyler's face.  
Tyler nodded slowly.

Josh scoffed.  
"Were you crying in there?"  
Tyler hesitated.  
He was sure he cleaned his face well.  
His eyes weren't that puffy when he walked out.  
So he shook his head.  
"Liar."  
Tyler winced.  
"You always cry."  
"I'm s-sorry.." He murmured, looking down.  
"Just get ready for the show."  
Josh brushed past Tyler and shut the door behind him.  
Tyler shivered and let a quiet sob escape his lips.  
He just wanted to be free.  
Loved.  
Cared for.

__

_"Are you sure? Pink hair dye?"_  
_"Yes. I'll even help you."_  
_"Okaaay, only because you want me to."_  
_"Thank you Joshie. I know you're going to look amazing." Tyler kissed him sweetly._

Josh's lips were soft.  
Warm.  
Gentle.  
Tyler wondered what they were like now.  
He wondered if there was ever a way he could feel those lips against his-  
"Tyler!"  
Tyler turned and saw Mark.  
"Where have you been? We've been looking for you everywhere-Oh god, are you okay?"  
"I'm fine, I just got a little sick, that's all.." Tyler looked away and tried to hide his fresh wounds.  
"Are you okay to do the show? You're really pale.."  
"I-I'm fine, I promise. I can do the show."

 _"But what if the tour life ruins our relationship?"_  
_"It won't. Not as long as I have my adorable boyfriend next to me the whole way." Josh snuggled into Tyler, who giggled and pushed him away playfully._  
_"Your birthday's coming up."_  
_"Mmhm. And?"_  
_"What d'you want?" ___  
_"Hm...I want....you." __  
"I think I can make that work." ___

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why I like writing sad stuff so much


	3. I Begin To Understand Why God Died

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tyler is petrified that someone is going to notice.  
> They've got to.  
> Two black eyes?  
> He can't just use the old make-up excuse again..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The choking part I used in the summary for the last chapter is coming up I promise 
> 
>  
> 
> Aaaa sorry for not adding it last time I forgot lmao

Tyler let out a shaky breath.  
Safe.  
For now.  
He did his best with the make-up and concealer he had with him to cover up his bruises before going to his stylist.  
She didn't buy it.  
"Why d'you have so much make-up on your neck, sweetie? Aren't you painting it black tonight?"  
"Um y-yeah, I just..I don't know, I wanted a little extra layer I guess..?" 

She squinted her eyes and wiped the concealer off.  
Tyler's stylist covered her mouth and let out a dry sob.  
"Tyler, this isn't just another bar fight."  
Tyler swallowed hard, panicking.  
"I-I um, it's n-nothing I promise it's just-"  
"You need to see a doctor, right now." She ran off calling for Mark. 

Tyler rested his face in his hands, nearly getting light-headed.  
Josh was going to beat him raw if anyone found out..  
Quiet.  
Stay quiet. 

_"J-Josh..?" ___  
_It was quiet; just them. ___  
_Lips close, breath hot. ___  
_"I love you, Tyler." ___  
_Tyler crashed his lips into Josh's almost crying out with relief. ___  
_"I love you too." ___

"Tyler, can you tell me how you got these injuries?"  
"I got into a couple of fights at a bar. I was drunk. It's not a big deal." Tyler looked down.  
"It is a big deal, Tyler. These could affect your career."  
"My..career?"  
"If the press finds out. They'll think you're unstable." Mark was there now.  
"I-It doesn't matter. I'll just cover it up." 

Tyler's stylist sighed.  
"Fine. But I'm still getting the real story out of you someway or another." She pointed a brush at him threateningly.  
Tyler just laughed softly.  
"Good luck."

 _They were both so desperate._  
_Needy._  
_Tyler was pinned against the wall, Josh biting and kissing whatever he could find._  
_"J-Josh, please, f-fuck me please, Josh-"_  
_"Hush."_  
_Josh quieted his lips, earning a whimper._  
_"I n-need you, Josh-"_

Tyler remembers that day.  
They were half naked on the bus when someone had opened the door, causing their moment to end abruptly.  
Tyler lost his virginity unwillingly.

So many memories.  
Cute.  
Happy.  
Sad.  
Angry. 

_____________When Tyler would get night terrors and Josh would stay up all night with him, cuddling and whispering that it will be okay, he's there._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________When they went on their first date, discreet and secret, behind Tyler's house.  
Josh was so nervous. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________When Josh found Tyler slumped in the shower, blood pooling from his arms._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________When Josh cried at the side of his bed at the hospital._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________When Josh hit him for the first time._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

______________________The looks he would give Tyler.  
How he used to remember those brown eyes as kind, gentle.  
Burning red hair was fluffy brown.  
He never should've said pink hair dye.  
Red just made him scary. 

_____________Hands that used to touch gently, trace features._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Too many._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Tyler's head hurt._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________They were so young, just 23 at the time.._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Just starting._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________He remembered the cute glances Josh would give him while drumming._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Their connection was amazing._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________They truly, utterly, loved each other._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Until the one day._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________He was so mad.._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________What had Tyler done?_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Josh just snapped._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Became cold and restless.  
Tyler was no longer his adorable boyfriend, his sweetie, honey, baby boy. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________He was Josh's punching bag, his bitch, slut.  
Whore. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________A worthless piece of meat._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________'Pathetic'_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Great.  
He made himself cry again. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

_____________Too many memories._ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _


	4. I Want To Know You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay here comes the choking part

Tyler wiped his tears.  
Pathetic.  
Crybaby.  
He hoped no one would notice. 

As much as Josh hit him, hurt him.  
Beat him, physically and emotionally.  
Tyler still loved him.  
He knew Josh could be good again.  
Maybe it just wasn't right for them to be together..

_"I don't understand Josh, you have to TALK to me once in a while!" ___  
_"It doesn't matter, Tyler, just mind your own business." ___  
_Tyler began to get tears in his eyes. ___  
_"You never communicate with me anymore. You just hide yourself until you want me. I'm not just some whore for you to fuck as you please, Josh." ___  
_Josh turned, fire in his eyes. ___  
_Tyler looked up, afraid, and backed up a couple steps, letting out a whimper. ___

Tyler had wanted to get married.  
Settle down after a while.  
All that seemed like a dream now. 

"All right, you're all done."  
Tyler slipped out of the chair, giving his stylist a grateful look before quickly making his way back to the bus.  
He could almost feel Josh's stare burn into the back of his head. 

"Tyler, where are you going?"  
"Oh u-um, I have my clothes on the bus."  
Mark raised an eyebrow but nodded.  
"All right. Be quick. Show starts in a couple hours."  
Tyler just nodded and walked into the bunk room, sighing.  
Josh was still getting his make-up done.  
Right? 

Wrong.  
Tyler felt Josh stride onto the bus.  
He always walked so confidently, whereas Tyler was always afraid, walking cautiously and quiet.  
Tyler turned and cowered, swallowing hard.  
Josh had his red eye make-up on, which made him look even scarier.  
"Crying again, were we?"  
Tyler looked down.  
"Look at me when I speak to you, slut." Josh hissed.  
Tyler bit the inside of his cheek and glanced at Josh pleadingly. 

"I-I didn't m-mean to Josh, I was just remembering-"  
"Did I tell you to talk?"  
Tyler's eyes widened and he let out a dry sob.  
Speaking without permission always received the worst punishment; choking. 

"J-Josh, please, please, I-w-we have a show tonight I have t-to sing-"  
Josh pressed Tyler against the wall, one hand around his throat.  
Tyler clawed and struggled, gasping for air.  
He was so strong.  
Too strong.  
Another hand was added and Tyler could feel his vision start to blur. 

He let his hands fall limp, his eyes starting to roll back into his head.  
Josh let go and he fell to the ground hard.  
Tyler coughed, blood spattering onto the floor.  
He was gagging and gasping for air, purple handprints beginning to make themselves known around his neck. 

Tyler let a few quiet sobs escape his lips.  
He'd have to cover these up.  
More paint.  
More make-up.  
Hide it.  
Conceal it.  
Don't tell a soul. 

"Maybe next time you'll think before breaking the rules." Josh spat, storming out and slamming the door.  
Tyler tried to speak.  
All that came out was a dry, ragged voice that was not going to be able to sing.  
Maybe he just had to work it out. 

Talk and sing for a while.  
It'd get better.  
It had to. 

_"You know how beautiful you are?"_  
_"Mmhm?" Tyler was playing with a flower he put in Josh's now green hair._  
_"You're just perfect, you're my baby boy and I'll never, ever let you go or hurt you."_  
_Tyler smiled._  
_"I love you so much."_  
_"I love you more."_

_______________________I love you._  
Tyler hadn't heard those words in a long time..  
Usually it was just 'You're going to take it all, bitch', or 'Stop crying and bend over, slut'  
Words hurt.  
But Josh hurt more.  
Tyler just wanted those sweet kisses Josh would line his neck with in the mornings.  
The way Josh would wrap his hands around Tyler's waist.  
How he would do only what Tyler wanted that night, nothing more. 

His birthday was coming up.  
Maybe Josh would change by then.  
It was always a maybe to Tyler.  
Always.. 


	5. I Wanna Die Before I'm Old

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh yay  
> Sorry

Tyler just wanted to cry.  
To curl up, alone.  
Always alone.  
He had no one left.  
Josh was his only, his one and only.  
Now he had nothing. 

_"J-Josh, please stop, p-please, w-why are you doing this?" ___

Tyler shook his head, standing and grabbing the black paint he kept handy for times like this. 

He wondered what the fans would think as he slathered the paint on thick, no space left behind. 

The same went with his hands, beacause you had to match them, Tyler.  
Or else people would notice. 

_"What happened to us, Josh? We were so happy.."_  
_"You. You were happy."_  
_"But you said you LOVED me, Josh. I loved you.."_  
_"People lie."_

Tyler had thought about cutting again.  
It seemed like a nice idea, to just watch his blood drain as he ran a blade jaggedly across any skin he could find.  
Maybe even his wrists. 

___________He was so bloody. ___  
_Wrists ruined, eyes glazed over. ___  
_Josh had stayed at the hospital for a month straight. ___

Tyler traced the scars.  
They felt funny when he touched them; almost tingly.  
He didn't remember much about that day.  
All he heard was sobs.  
And sirens.  
Weird combination, in his opinion. He didn't want to do the show.  
Maybe he just caught a cold, or lost his voice while singing an especially hard note.  
Yes.  
That was it.  
Just practicing when that one note caught him off guard.  
Perfect. 

Hopefully it was good enough for Josh too.  
"M-Mark..?" His voice was barely a whisper.  
"Tyler? Oh god, what happened to your voice?"  
"B-Bad note..lost it." He coughed and blood trickled out of the corner of his mouth.  
"Jesus Tyler, don't say anymore. It's fine. Go get cleaned up and rest. We need you better by the next show."  
Josh gave him an evil stare from across the room. 

He swallowed hard, wincing.  
Tyler padded silently back onto the bus, crawling into his bunk and letting the quiet tears flow down his cheeks.  
At least he wouldn't have to worry about Josh hearing him sob.  
Black paint was running everywhere.  
Tyler made the mistake of rubbing his eye, smearing it everywhere. 

____Clean it up, Tyler.  
Quick.  
Before anyone sees.  
But what about his neck...?  
He had a turtleneck, a sweatshirt..  
Something.  
After washing off the paint, Tyler quickly slipped on a sweatshirt with a cowel neck, pulling it up and covering the bruises. 

_________________________Good._  
Back to the bunk.  
He heard Josh's voice approach onto the bus.  
Tyler shivered and ran back to his bunk, cowering.  
__Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease-_ _

The curtain was pulled back and Tyler wanted to scream.  
Josh pulled him out and he shrunk on the floor, looking up with wide doe eyes.  
"I bet you think you're off the hook, aren't you?"  
Tyler's lip quivered. 

_____Tyler was alone, curled up in his bed._  
_He couldn't explain what had just happened._  
_He was so sore.._  
_Tears traced his cheeks as he remembered how he cried out in pain._  
_Begging._  
_Pleading for Josh to stop._

 _"J-Josh, I d-don't want this, p-please I d-don't-"_  
_He was so exposed, violated._  
_He wanted to lose his virginity to Josh, of course._  
_Never in this way though.._

"I c-couldn't help i-it..I-I'm sorry." Tyler coughed once more, red staining the sleeve of his sweatshirt.  
"You're fucking useless.." Josh muttered, slapping him hard and walking out.  
Tyler held his cheek, more tears coming.  
Maybe he'd be able to find a razor on the bus. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a radish I know


	6. I've Been Thinking Too Much

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here  
> have a little happiness before I make you cry 
> 
> :)

Memories.  
They were everywhere for Tyler.  
That one coffee shop on the odd side of the road.  
The mental hospital across the street.  
Every time it rained.  
Every time he watched the bruises form.  
The smell of salt water taffy.  
The sickly scent of medicine and death.  
They would flood Tyler's mind. 

Some good.  
Sweet, gentle kisses.  
Warm touches.  
Hot.  
Passionate. 

Some...  
Some would make Tyler curl up, tears pricking his eyes.  
The belt.  
Handcuffs.  
Cleaning up afterwards.  
Dirty.  
Stained.  
Dirty, dirty, dirty. 

Tyler liked the good ones. 

_"J-Josh, I can't I-I'm-" ___  
_It was raining. ___  
_They were soaked, Josh's soft brown hair sticking to his forehead. ___  
_Tyler was crying, tears mingling with the raindrops rolling down his face. ___  
_"You can." ___  
_And there were lips on his. ___  
_Warm, despite the chilling winds. ___  
_So soft. ___  
_Josh had pulled him in, and there was no way he was leaving now. ___

Mmm.  
Happy.  
They were.  
He wanted those days.  
Young and innocent.  
Well, mostly innocent. 

_"JOSH o-oh my god Josh, pleease-_  
_"Shh, baby, gotta be quiet, okay?"_  
_Tyler nodded, his face flushed, chest heaving._

So close.  
Tyler never liked cutting.  
It hurt.  
He only liked the blood.  
Watching it swirl in the drain of the bathtub while cold water ran on his clothed body from the shower head.  
Cold always helped stop the bleeding.  
Sometimes. 

Josh would always find him though.  
Every time.  
Every time he would come home with stitches on his wrists.  
He'd just rip them out with his teeth.  
Hearing the flesh rip was gross to Tyler. 

_"I love you so much, Tyler, why would you do this?"_  
_He just shrugged._  
_"Answer me. Do you even love me?"_  
_"I-I.."_

He would never forget the pain in Josh's eyes that night.  
It was the seventh visit to the ER.  
Tyler was recommended to a mental hospital.  
Josh was fighting for him while he stayed silent.  
He remembered when Josh went quiet.  
Right as they were signed.  
Tyler was pushed into the leading role. 

__But Josh had other plans for when the cameras weren't watching.  
Dirty, dirty, dirty. _ _

_Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name-_

Josh pinned him against the wall, gripping his hair roughly. 

_Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven-_

"Bitch." He hissed.  
Tyler sniffled and swallowed a sob. 

_Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us-_

"Gonna make you scream real good, baby boy."  
The smell of alcohol was present. 

_And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, Amen._

Tyler blinked.  
The numbness was wearing off.  
Adrenaline gone.  
He had to cut.  
What was Josh going to do about it anyways?  
He didn't care anymore.  
Tyler was just a plaything now, a toy.  
A bitch, a slut.  
A whore, dummy.  
Doll.  
He had no emotions to speak. 

____________________________________Everything was kept close.  
Inside.  
You're not allowed to say your opinion, Tyler.  
No one cares, Tyler, be quiet. _ _ _ _

_______________________________________Ow._  
Josh hit a bruise.  
Tyler wondered if the shower in the bus bathroom would be big enough for him to sit in.  
If anyone would notice all the blood flowing through the drain.  
Hopefully not. 


	7. You Saved Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry no flashbacks in this chapter :p

Tyler composed himself, grabbing the doorframe for support.  
Just get to the bathroom.

Quiet, quiet now.  
Josh's voice was heard in the living room area.  
"I'm worried about him. I feel like he doesn't care as much as he used to."  
Lies.  
Tyler slipped into the bathroom, wincing as the door slammed shut. 

There had to be a razor here somewhere...  
Of course, it was with Josh's things.  
Almost like it was left there specially for him.  
He took the blade head in his hands, bending it against the counter until the small razors popped out. 

He pocketed the extras, holding one in his right hand.  
He stared at the three lines painted on his wrist.  
This tattoo was supposed to be a pledge.  
To never cut. 

Tyler outlined the lines with the blade, light enough not to cut. 

Instead he drug it across his forearm, tracing scars that were years old.  
The blood started to bead and he stepped backwards, hitting the wall in the shower. 

Tyler slid down, turning the shower on cold.  
It felt nice.  
He loved Josh.  
He loved Josh so much, it hurt him. 

Every day.  
More lines were etched onto his skin, the drain keeping all of Tyler's secrets. 

"Tyler?"  
He jumped, but just let his arm fall, his clothes sticking to his body.  
"Tyler, are you okay?" 

Was that Josh's voice?  
The last time he heard that was five years ago, in the same situation. 

His head lolled to the side, eyelids drooping. 

It didn't even hurt now. 

Someone broke the door open and several crew members fell into the bathroom, Josh standing behind. 

"Tyler! Holy shit, get him out of there!" 

Tyler grinned weakly as the shower was turned off, his small frame being picked up.  
Tight gauze was wrapped around his arm. 

"Josh..?"  
"Josh isn't here right now, Ty. It's Mark."

"I want...Josh.."   
"He..I don't...okay."   
Tyler looked up from his bunk, his heart stopping when Josh walked to him. 

He didn't look..mad.   
He looked almost worried. 

"J-Josh?"   
"Tyler.." 

"I'm sorry."   
"Why did you do this again, Tyler?" 

"I wanted your attention," He lied. 

"You've got it now." 

"I love you Josh." 

"Why?" 

"Because I just do. I've loved you ever since that night when you kissed me for the first time. I've never stopped." 

"How can you love me after all I've done?" 

"I knew you could love me one day."

Josh shook his head, sighing. 

"Goodbye, Tyler."   
He stood and left, leaving Tyler alone.   
Unwanted. 

He started to cry.   
Thick sobs left his lips, and he made no thought to try and cover them.   
He was choking now, coughing on pure emotion.   
Tears ran down his face, fast and hot and wet. 

He didn't care.   
Josh didn't care. 

He knew that now. 

Someone turned the light off in the room and Tyler felt his eyes closing, drifting off into a heavy sleep he wished he would never wake up from. 

"Why is he so bruised, Josh? Everywhere..It's sickening." 

"I don't know. He's been cold. I don't talk with him that much." Josh's lies tasted sour when they left his mouth. 

He wanted so badly to confess, to man up to his crimes against the boy who just wanted his love. 

He really was sorry.

But even Josh wouldn't buy that. 

And that was the most bitter lie of them all.


	8. You Belong To Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aaaah

Tyler's dreams were fitful, horrifying.  
The same thing, over and over again. 

Full of hurt and pain, darkness was his enemy.  
He woke with a shock, breathing heavily, tears dried onto his face.  
His arm was extremely sore, making him wince. 

No one was in the room.  
At least, that's what Tyler thought.  
He got up quietly, gently padding to the door.  
Someone was already there and he jumped, eyes wide. 

"J-Josh...?" 

The once rough, cruel hands Tyler had known touched him softly. 

"Josh." 

He was pulled closer ever so gently, the smell of Josh flooding Tyler's nose. 

It was sweet, yet musky. 

"Josh, wha-" 

A finger was put to his lips. 

"No, Josh I-" 

"You still love me?" 

Tyler swallowed, scanning Josh's dimly lit face. 

"Y-Yes." 

"I'm so sorry, Tyler." 

"It's fine, I'm no-" 

"It's not fine. I hurt you, I hurt you so bad and I never felt any remorse until now, and I feel _awful_ , Tyler, I'm so sorry-" 

Tyler surged forward, smashing his lips into Josh's.  
Sloppy, but meaningful. 

A hand was put around his waist, their lips now moving harmoniously against each other. 

It was _real_. 

"Why did you do it in the first place?" 

"I..I was jealous. Every time we'd go out, people would stare, lick their lips at you and try to take you from me. I thought if I hurt you enough emotionally, you wouldn't want to leave me, out of fear." 

_Fear._

It sent a shiver down Tyler's spine. 

___"I always knew who I belonged to, Josh."_ _ _

___"We were young, I was scared-"_ _ _

___"I always knew who I would come home to, and it was always you, wasn't it?"_ _ _

___"I worried about you, Tyler. Too much. After the last time...I-I couldn't take it."_ _ _

___"I always loved you, Josh. Through every punch, slap, every time you'd pull my hair, grab me so hard I'd bruise, I still loved you."_ _ _

___"I'm probably going to jail, Tyler."_ _ _

___"Not if I don't press charges."_ _ _

___"I shouldn't get off scott-free for something like this. No one should."_ _ _

___"You're not going to jail."_ _ _

___They looked into each others eyes, quiet and serene._ _ _

___Peaceful._ _ _

Tyler put his hand in Josh's, something he hadn't felt in _so_ long. 

"I'm so sorry, Tyler. I'm never going to forgive myself for everything I've done, you know that, right?" 

____"Is my forgiveness enough then?"_ _ _ _

____"I..Tyler, you know-"_ _ _ _

____He was cut off again, the kiss more needy this time, heated._ _ _ _

____"I wanted you, Josh, I wanted you so bad," Tyler breathed, his fingers now tangled in Josh's hair._ _ _ _

____"Tyler, you know you're still a virgin?"_ _ _ _

____He paled._ _ _ _

____"W-What?"_ _ _ _

____"I never..well you know, cam-"_ _ _ _

____Tyler pushed himself against Josh, his legs wrapping around his waist._ _ _ _

____"Take it from me."_ _ _ _

____"Right now? Everything is so fresh, Tyler, we just...made up."_ _ _ _

____"Don't care. I've waited five years for this, Joshua." Tyler whispered, biting his chapped lips._ _ _ _

____"Are you sure?"_ _ _ _

____"Y-Yes Josh, please-"_ _ _ _

____Josh laid Tyler down on the floor, attacking his neck with light kisses._ _ _ _

____His lips brushed over the handprints and Josh winced._ _ _ _

____Tyler squirmed beneath him, leaning up to kiss whatever he could find._ _ _ _

____"J-Josh, n-now, please-!"_ _ _ _

____Tyler was in pure bliss, Josh's hips now rocking against his own, sending waves of pleasure up his spine._ _ _ _

____He stopped suddenly, making Tyler whine._ _ _ _

____"Wait, baby. I want this to be special for you. It's going to make up for all those years, and I don't want you losing your virginity on a bus." Josh smirked._ _ _ _

____Tyler whimpered, sitting up._ _ _ _

____"Can we just make out then? Like old times?"_ _ _ _

____"'Course."_ _ _ _

____"I love you, Joshua Dun."_ _ _ _

____ _ _

____"I love you, Tyler Joseph."_ _ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sips tea
> 
> the end  
> happy happy yay  
> you know i was gonna have josh rape ty in this chapter but i like this better


	9. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> well  
> here you go

_5 months later_

Spring.  
The season of life, and quite possibly, Josh's favorite. 

They were laying in a field, fingers intertwined.  
Tyler's floral kimono waved gently in the breeze, and he sighed. 

"I'm glad the tour's over. We can spend more alone time together." 

"Me too." 

"You know, you should dye your hair again." 

"What color? I don't think there's very many left." 

"Pink." 

"Again?" 

"Mmhm. It's my favorite." 

"Only if you'll help me." 

"Of course." 

Tyler looked over at Josh, smiling softly. 

"I miss this." 

"Mmm." 

"Sometimes I wish this could be our life." 

"Free?" 

"Yeah...away..from everyone." 

Josh ran his fingers through his hair, biting his lip. 

"We could, I mean, we could always postpone the next album. Settle down for a while." 

"Really?" 

"I mean-yeah, if you wanted to." 

"That would be amazing."  
Tyler rolled over, a pile of daisies cradled in his hand. 

"Whatcha doin'?" 

Tyler just hummed quietly, placing the tiny flowers in Josh's hair. 

"You look prettier with daisies." 

Josh smiled. 

"Cute." 

Tyler laughed softly, pressing his lips to Josh's. 

Gentle. 

The memories of the past were washed away, scars faded, bruises yellowed and gone. 

Peaceful. 

Their mouths fit together like pieces of a puzzle, it seemed. 

_Perfect for each other._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK NOW THE END SHH
> 
>  
> 
> ugh you people and your happy endings


	10. Alternate Ending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You guys requested it  
> here ya go  
> the  
> b ad ending  
> yee haw  
> you guys can probably guess where this takes place at

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IVE HAD TB SAGA IN MY HEAD ALL FUCKING DAY 
> 
> MY CHALUPAAAA  
> MY CHALUPAAAAAAAA  
> MY CHALUPAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
> 
>  
> 
> AND HOW IS IT THAT YOU  
> COULD HATE  
> THE GOOD OLE TACO BELL  
> TACO BELL

Tyler woke to darkness after a fitful sleep full of night terrors. 

He stood quietly, shivering as he made his way to the door. 

Someone else was already waiting, however. 

"What the _fuck_ do you think you were doing?" Josh hissed, pinning Tyler's wrists against the wall roughly. 

"J-Josh ah-please i-it hurts-a-ah!" Tyler struggled feebly, Josh's fingers digging into his bandaged wounds. 

"I asked you a question, _slut_."

Tyler winced, the tears beginning to flow. 

__"I-I don't know," He started, letting out a small yelp when Josh slotted his thigh between his thin legs._ _

__"You don't know, hm?" Josh held Tyler's wrists above his head with one hand, while the other pulled the boy's hair, exposing his neck._ _

__"A-Ah, Josh, s-stop pl-"_ _

__"I hope you know what you're about to do now." Josh growled, pulling on Tyler's jeans._ _

__He was pushed onto his knees, sobs escaping his bruised, swollen pink lips._ _

__"We'll make this fast, won't we?"  
Josh knelt down next to Tyler, forcing him onto his back, unbuttoning his jeans quickly. _ _

Tyler wriggled and squirmed, whimpering.  
There was no way.  
Not a second time. 

__His jeans and boxers were pulled down and Tyler's face was red with shame.  
He wanted to cover his face, if Josh's hands hadn't been there first, tying his hands together with a dress tie. _ _

__"I bet you're still a tight little bitch, aren't you?" Josh smirked, sticking a dry finger into Tyler._ _

__The small boy wanted to scream, though he knew it would just cause more trouble, so he bit down hard on his lip instead._ _

__Josh had thrown his boxers off, lining up with Tyler._ _

__"I bet you wish this, don't you? Bet you have dirty little fantasies, Tyler."_ _

Tyler just sobbed, waiting for the pain.  
And pleasure.  
God, as much as he didn't want this, Josh made him feel so GOOD. 

__He wasted no time in pushing into Tyler fast and dry, earning pained moans._ _

__"God, what a fucking slut, so tight," Josh breathed, thrusts becoming faster and harder._ _

__Tyler turned his head away, his lip now bleeding from holding back moans and yelps._ _

__"Gonna cum to my cock, aren't you, whore?"_ _

__Tyler was shaking, every inch of him red and shamed._ _

__He felt a tightness in his stomach, one that he hoped never to feel as long as Josh was still like this._ _

__They came at the same time, Tyler letting out a shaky sigh as white pooled onto his chest, and a quiet sob as he felt Josh fill him up with seed._ _

__Josh simply pulled out, grinning._ _

__"Slut."_ _

__He redressed and walked out._ _

__Tyler sat up carefully, wincing._ _

__God damn Josh was big, and with no prep...  
He felt disgusting. _ _

__Dirty._ _

__Angry, at only himself._ _

__Tyler cleaned himself up the best he could, sighing in frustration when the cum Josh left in him wouldn't fully come out._ _

__His body was sore._ _

Not just his body; his heart.  
Feelings.  
Emotions. 

It seemed like there were only two now:  
Fear  
and sadness. 

__He frowned as he stared at himself in a small mirror._ _

__He was filthy, no matter how hard he scrubbed._ _

__Maybe Tyler was just a waste of space._ _

__His hair was tousled, messy._ _

__His scalp hurt from where Josh had pulled too hard._ _

__Maybe he could fix that.  
Grabbing a razor, he sat on the floor of the bathroom, closing his eyes. _ _

__Ready?  
Ready. _ _

__Slowly, yet surely, Tyler shaved and cut every last tuft of his once beautiful light brown hair, leaving him feeling naked afterwards._ _

__This would save on some pain.  
Maybe. _ _

__The fans wouldn't like it, but that's okay._ _

__As long as he didn't have to endure another episode like that._ _

__

__Next stop: Europe._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fucking encoreos fuck me josh jesus


End file.
